He is hurting, and if nothing else, he needs someone who understands what hes feeling right now. What are your feelings on the This as you know him much better than I do? & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I do not know if I am only asking for too much of his time or if he really chooses his family over me. Why Does My Ex-boyfriend Still Want To Sleep With Me? Independence. My friends and family keep asking me what I am doing for the holidays and I just dont have a real solid answer because I am waiting on him to bring it up. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. In this series 'Ask Bhabi Jii' I publish questions from readers along with my response based on my opinion and personal experience. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. Relationships are hard enough with just two people. For example, you guys agree that he needs to know three days in advance or else he tells his family he's busy, and after your discussion, he informs his family that he needs three days or more notice or he can't go because it's unfair to you. MGZhNzAwODJjY2RkOGM5Yjk5ZmI0ZDYzODJjMTk5OGU1NjAxMWQzOWRmMTM3 I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. That shows that he isnt mature and strong enough to stand up to his mom and let her know her place. No parents will decide our kids names and decide where we live etc. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. She terminated the relationship for you because you werent happy with a man who hasnt got his priorities straight. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. Without me of course. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. He has yet to even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I find that to be weird. MTNiYjJlNzQwM2YwNjVmOWI0OTI5NDRjYmYxZTc4ZjYyZWQ5ZDY4MjMzMGVl What does he do that makes you feel insignificant? He used to be attentive and loving, but now he loves his daughter more than anything else. I dont know what I did wrong. Sit down with him and let him it cant continue. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. Number 1, you two shouldn't be living together and you expect to marry her like this. Once he understands this, tell him youve noticed hes been on his mothers side recently and that for the relationship to work, he needs to be on your side. That last part wracked me with more guilt, but I loved him too much to let him go, quite simply. February 28, 2023. Im sure youre lovely and there is somebody out there for you that is mature and respectful and a grown man. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. Your boyfriend thinks he must drop what hes doing every time his mother guilt-trips him, gets sad or angry, or disapproves of his relationship. OTQ4N2U0NGQ0ZTQyMDJiNDgzMTRjYTYyNDUyNzQ3NDQxODU1MTFhZjk2MTY5 Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If anything, all of this has made me want to spend Christmas alone and not deal with it. Maybe it's time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Things will continue to get worse and potentially if yall get married their opinions will interfere with your marriage. I am choosing to put your kids before a relationship can be difficult. He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. ITS ALL ABOUT MOM. You are his family too. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you! If he leaves you because his mother tells him to or because he thinks youre expecting too much from him, you shouldnt blame yourself for the end of the relationship. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I need to accept it or move on I guess. Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. This is why she continues to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is an adult. Romantic relationships are ours alone to maintain. NDBmYjZmMTcwYmJhODliYTkwYzk4YzU5NTMzMTA5OWY0M2IwM2NiNjc0OTY2 he is now saying we need to go to the dinner & i told him i dont want to because one, we already had plans set & they made these last minute which is unfair & two, we just got together with them last week for a party. I HATE the holidays! I would be thinking that maybe she has invited someone else to share the special occasions with him but then Im a suspicious kind of person. i did, and I don't regret it. Njk0YWU4YjQ4NmYzMjNlN2U5ZjA0YTQwZWIzOWZhYzNlZmJlOTI5MGY5OWM5 I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. Her role is to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to deal with his mistakes maturely. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. He is at her house 2xs daily sometimes 3. Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. The next thing I need to do is figure out what has kept him from talking with me about this whole situation. Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. I will soon be in your same boat of spending most holidays alone. Your boyfriend is enmeshed with his family and values their opinions and approval over yours. Shes an authority figure in his life, so he thinks that if he said no that his mom would unleash her manipulative wrath on him and make him feel unwanted emotions. Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me. Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. Advice from Dr. Laura is, If you are going through this conflict with another person who has children of their own, repeat these words over and over again until they sink in: I love my daughter/son more than anything else in the world. My parents are divorced and I live with my mum and sister. MWI2ODQ2M2RkMzcxZTA1NTViOWU2ZmRkNDVhZjUwYTZhNWViNDFkNjVhYzEz I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. This article was originally published at PopSugar. Despite committing to you and telling you he loves you, the guy is showing you that youre not his number one person and that things will stay that way for as long as his mother is around. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time we've been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. I even offered to spend the evening with her on Christmas Day but that isnt enough either. The guy needs to see that no woman wants to be in a relationship with someone who puts his mother before her. For more information, please see our how to make your boyfriend choose you over his family, my boyfriend always chooses his family over me, My boyfriend's family is ruining our relationship, My boyfriends mom is ruining our relationship, The Difference Between Love You And I Love You. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two months. You cant do anything about a guy so closed-minded and exploitable. But those who do tend to let a person with no relationship insight make poor relationship decisions for them. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. Its not unusual for men to listen to their mothers as many sons and mothers have strong bonds and get along well. What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. Move on then! Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. Thanks this is really helpful. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. Be happy that he treats his mother well. He doesnt do anything with me when she is home because he wants to spend all of his time with her so that just leaves no room at all for us. Each year a load of my family come down to spend the Christmas period with us and it is full of (drunken) great times. Rotate, take turns, whatever.but partner should be compromising to try and spend a holiday with you once in a while. An emotional letter by one such wife, who felt her husband failed her. You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. I know that he is going through a lot and all, but I want him to try and bridge the gap between us. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. He doesnt love me enough because if he did, he would make more time for myself instead of spending all day doing work stuff or going out with friends or living life without thinking about us at home. this will be your entire life if you stay with him. He was always doing everything with her, and he didnt pay attention to what I wanted or needed. Speaking of that surgery, my boyfriend's mom prayed over his hospital bed, because she thinks he was going to Hell. And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. That couldn't be further from the truth. 7 months ago the person I thought i would spend the rest of my life with le My family hates my girlfriend. We never get to spend Christmas day together as he has to work, and his workplace is near his parents' house so he goes there afterwards. He's living the high life and probably enjoys Tom's . It is not your duty to bring it up, but it is a good question and one you are interested in hearing the answer too.. Fathers day. I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. 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